


How to Save a Life

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: July Song Fic Challenge - @gabrielwritestonight [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood Drinking, M/M, Suicidal Sam, season 8 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7500108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny sacrificed himself to get Sam out of Purgatory and back to Dean.  Sam couldn't leave that debt unpaid.  By the time Sam's working on the third Trial, he and Benny have become close.  So when Sam's dying, and Dean asks, Benny's put in an incredibly tricky position.  But he can't let Sam down.</p><p>Note: not entirely sure the major character death warning is needed, as he comes back quickly, but it's there just in case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Save a Life

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the July Songfic writing challenge from @gabrielwritestonight.
> 
> Song: "How to Save a Life" by The Fray

Sam was the first to admit, he’d never really given Benny a fair chance. Maybe if Dean hadn’t tried to hide him, if they hadn’t been fighting since Dean got back from Purgatory, things would have been different. So it was quite the surprise to see Benny in Purgatory. “Bobby, no, wait! Not this one. This one’s on our side. I think.” He pulled Bobby back and turned to face Benny. “Why are you here?”

“Dean sent me.” Like Sam couldn’t have guessed that.

Bobby shook Sam’s hand off of him and pushed forward. “Not my Dean.”

“Bobby, this is a buddy of Dean’s.”

Benny grinned. “A good buddy.” Sam couldn’t exactly argue with that when Benny came to Purgatory to get his ass.

“A frigging vampire,” Bobby grumbled, but he put away his machete. “You boys really got off the rails without me to keep an eye on you.”

It took a couple days of walking to reach the portal. Sam was starting to understand Dean a little better as the attacks kept coming, over and over.

After one particularly nasty fight, Sam decided to ask Benny something that had been bothering him. “You say we should be there pretty soon… so what took you so long with Dean?”

“First finding him, then tryin’ to find an angel didn’t want to be found, then tryin’ to get both their asses out of here despite the angel attracting every last monster in the place. You think we’ve got it bad, this ain’t nothing compared to some of the days we had.” Benny put away his weapon. “Also, exits tend to be pretty close together, and we were out in the wilds.”

“Fair enough.” Sam started walking off, Bobby with him.

Benny followed, but as they walked, he glanced over to Sam. “Sam? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“From the stories Dean told me about you while we were up here before, lookin’ for Cas, I kinda got the sense that you were a smart guy. And a good one.”

“Smart, yes. Good…” Sam shrugged. “That’s debatable but until I left him here for you to save, he’d never have said anything else.”

“I never would, either. Sam’s one of the best men I ever knew.” Bobby glared at Benny. “So whatever it is you’re implyin’, shove it up your ass.”

“One of the stories he told me was about this vamp Lenore you guys ran into. The one Cas killed after you’d let her go.”

“Cas shouldn’t have killed her. I get why he did, another soul in Purgatory is another soul he’d absorb to power himself with, but she was a good person. I hope she’s doing okay up here.” Sam looked around, wondering what Lenore was up to now.

Benny nodded and looked around himself. “So… is there a reason you wouldn’t give me a chance before you decided you should kill me?”

Sam flinched. That hurt. It was completely fair, but it hurt. “Dean and I were fighting, and I resented the hell out of him for keeping you a secret and you for Dean saying you were a better brother to him than I ever was.”

“Dean said that?” Bobby looked at Sam in open shock. “That actually came out of Dean’s mouth?”

“Yeah. He was cursed, a specter that made him act on the betrayals he felt, but he meant it. He meant it all.” He looked back to Benny. “And a while back, Dean went behind my back and killed a friend of mine who was a kitsune, because she’d killed people to save her son’s life. She’d promised never again, and I trusted her, and Dean killed her anyway. But he just expected me to take his word for it that you’d gone good and wouldn’t kill people. And I just… the sheer hypocrisy of it pissed me off so bad that I couldn’t give you a fair chance.”

“He didn’t mention the kitsune. Explains a lot.” Benny stopped suddenly, and Sam and Bobby immediately fell into position.

Another fight survived, Sam checked a wound on Benny’s arm. “I was wrong, Benny. Whatever problems I was having with Dean, taking them out on you was the wrong call. We get back, this time I’ll do it right.”

“About that…” Benny pointed to the hill about a quarter mile in front of them. “We’re here. You can leave me here easy enough. Just promise that you’ll tell Dean I said goodbye.”

“What? No!” Sam stared at Benny in shock. “Benny, you died to come save my ass despite my idiocy toward you. I’m not leaving you here.”

Benny smirked at him. “Can’t take me if I won’t go. I don’t fit in up there. The vamps see me as a traitor, humans ain’t comfortable with me. Purgatory… it’s pure. I ain’t thirsty, here. Everyone’s trying to kill me, but at least I have a place.”

“You have a place up there, too. With Dean and me. Come on, man, I’m pretty sure Dean’ll do whatever he can to help his brother if I say he doesn’t have to choose between us, that I’m okay with you. And I know I’ll do anything I can to help Dean’s brother.” Sam started walking toward the hill. “Come on, quiet never lasts long. We need to get out of here before we’re found again.”

Getting Bobby into Sam’s arm was straightforward. Then Sam held the knife out to Benny. “Your turn. Be quick, I think I hear something coming.”

Benny looked around. He shook his head and pushed the knife away. “They’re close. I’ll hold ‘em off, you go.”

“Benny, no. Come with me. Once I’m in the portal, they can’t get me. Get the spell started!” He shoved the knife into Benny’s hand.

Benny took it reluctantly and stared at it for a moment before meeting Sam’s eyes. He nodded and cut his arm.

 

“Sam? You in here?” Benny peeked into the church, but he couldn’t see much. Too blind from being out in the sun.

Sam stumbled out after a moment or two. “Hey. Dean send you to make sure I wasn’t fucking this up too?”

“No, Dean told me you were close to finishing and I came to see if there was anything I could do to help.” Benny looked intently at Sam. “You’re not lookin’ so good, Sam.”

“I’ll look a lot worse when this is finished. Or better, depending on how you look at it. Maybe I won’t look like anything. I don’t know.” Sam leaned back against the door for support. “Hard to know what your corpse will look like when you’re not sure how you’re gonna die.”

“What makes you think you’ll die?”

“Look at me.” Sam waved a hand at himself. “I’m this weak after two trials, what’s the third one gonna do? Doesn’t take Stanford to figure that out, Benny. Dean won’t see it and I can’t tell him. He’d try to talk me out of it, and I can’t let him down again. I can’t.” He leaned a little harder on the door.

Benny moved to his side, getting an arm around Sam and holding him up. Sam leaned into him, taking what little comfort he could get now that it was so close to the end. “You’re not gonna let him down, Sam. Complete the trials or choose to live, either way, you’ll make Dean proud of you. Think he’d prefer you alive, but that’s just a guess.”

“And then what? I’m just gonna let him down again. He gave me this big list of things I should confess when I went to purify myself, and it really drove the point home. He was right. You’re a better brother to him than I ever was.” Sam closed his eyes as Benny’s arm tightened around him. “Don’t let him do anything stupid, okay? Tell him I’m okay with going. That I want to go. The way my life works, I bet I end up in Hell anyway, and with the doors slammed closed, there won’t be anything he can do to bring me back this time. Do what you can to make him move on and live his life, okay?”

“You really got that little to live for, that you’re willing to give it all up because you’re afraid of lettin’ Dean down?” Sam nodded, and Benny wanted to shake him. “Dean said that you were the one who saw a light at the end of the tunnel. What happened?”

“Oh, I still see it,” Sam said with a weak chuckle. “It’s just that now that I’m close enough, I can see that it’s hellfire. Maybe Heaven. But it’s not the happy ending I promised Dean I could take him to, and see, there I go letting him down again.”

Tears threatened to overflow, and Benny pulled Sam into a proper hug. “It ain’t too late. You can turn back. You can live. You got a choice here. I know livin’ in this world is hard. But you wouldn’t leave me in Purgatory, and I’m not gonna let you kill yourself without a fight.”

Sam’s arms came up around Benny, and he held on as tightly as he could manage. It wasn’t all that tight. “Thank you. I’m sorry I was such an ass to you at first. Over and over you keep proving me wrong. The only person you’ve killed since you’ve been back is my fault. You’re better off without me, too. You and Dean and Cas, the three of you, look after each other.” Sam pulled away, wiping tears from his eyes. “I need to get back to work. Crowley’s due for a treatment.”

Benny watched the door close, his own tears streaming down his face at the finality as he wracked his brain for something, anything, he could use to save Sam’s life. What words, what actions, whatever had a chance of getting through. There was nothing.

 

Benny waited with the Impala when Dean showed up to talk to Sam. He burst into a huge smile when he saw Dean stumbling out with Sam leaning on him, very much alive, but the joy didn’t last long. Sam collapsed against the Impala, looking worse than he had earlier. The falling stars couldn’t distract him from Sam long.

The doctors reported that they had no idea what was wrong, so there was nothing they could do but try to keep him comfortable and hope he pulled through. As soon as they were gone, Dean turned to Benny. “Turn him.”

“He seems comfortable enough… I don’t wanna mess up his machines.” Benny blinked back the tears. After everything, after choosing to live, Sam was gonna die anyway.

Dean smacked him. “Don’t be an idiot. Turn him into a vampire.”

“No!” Benny stared at Dean in shock. “You remember how betrayed you felt when he let you get turned? And you’d do that to him?”

Dean shook his head. “It’s different. We… well, I… didn’t know it then, but there’s a cure. I can round up the ingredients easily enough. As long as you can keep him from feeding, which, come on, it’s Sammy. He’d find a way to chop his own head off before he fed from an innocent person.”

“What do you need?” Benny looked at Sam. He wasn’t sure Sam would want this, but Sam had come out of that church alive. He’d chosen life.

“Got most of it in the Impala. Standard stuff. Salt, herbs. And then your blood.”

“My blood.” Dean had already killed him for Sam once. It’s not that Benny minded dying for Sam again. He was just surprised how easy it was for Dean this time.

“Yeah.” Dean noticed Benny’s expression. “Come on, man. You ain’t willing to bleed a little for Sam? Thought you loved him.”

“All I have to do is bleed?”

“Yeah. If I had to kill you… okay, I would ask, but not like this. Come on, man, you know how hard it was to ask you that once.” Dean shook his head. “So you on board, or do I have to find another way? Because I gotta say, with Cas not already here after I prayed the entire way we were driving, I don’t think I can count on him. And that means crossroads demon or trying to find another angel, and me and Sam aren’t exactly their favorite people.”

Benny looked at Sam. “You sure this is what Sam would want?”

“If Sam still wanted to die, he’d have finished the ritual. I can cure him. Won’t be pleasant, but he’ll be alive.”

He’d failed, before. It would save Sam. And if Sam was pissed afterwards, well, Benny could deal with that. “Go get the car. You shouldn’t watch me fall off the wagon and rip into your brother. I’ll bring him out when we’re done, probably shouldn’t hang around for the nurses to come investigate.”

“Thanks, Benny.” Dean took off after a sigh of relief.

Benny brushed the hair away from Sam’s neck. “Hey, Sam. Hate me if you need to, but I can’t let you down again.” He bit Sam’s neck as gently as he could. Sam’s blood was so much better than the bagged and animal stuff he’d been surviving on. Hot, bringing out the coppery salt taste that was mixed just right. It was almost impossible to pull away once he’d gotten enough that Sam would turn, but he did, biting into his own arm to feed his blood to Sam. This one only took a few drops.

The effects were almost immediate. Sam’s eyelids started fluttering, and he twitched. That quickly became spasms. When that was over, Sam lay still. Benny reached out and disconnected the machines. There wasn’t any life in there for them to monitor. He scooped Sam up and started running. Dean was waiting just outside the front door with the Impala already in gear, and as soon as Benny got himself and Sam in, Dean was speeding off.

Dean had the cure ready when Sam woke up. He got to his feet unsteadily. “Dean? What the hell did you do?”

“No deals, I swear.” Dean went to hug Sam.

Sam jumped back. “Don’t. Don’t come near me. You…” His eyes went wide and he turned on Benny, betrayal in his eyes. “You turned me?”

Benny held out his arms, showing the two different cuts. One ragged, the one he’d made to feed Sam from, and one clean from the bloody knife on the table. “Only after Dean promised me that this cure will work. Sam, you want to behead me, I’ll hand you the machete. Just take the cure first so I can at least die knowing you’re not gonna be showing up in Purgatory again.”

Sam took the cure, drinking it down. Dean caught him and laid him back on the bed. “This part sucks. Then we find out if it actually worked.”

“You weren’t sure it would work?” Benny pulled a chair over near the bed to sit and wait. “What if it doesn’t?”

“Then we go with plan B, just as soon as I decide whether a crossroads demon or an angel is more trustworthy.” Dean started pacing the room.

It wasn’t all that long before Sam woke up. “Guys?”

“Sammy?” Dean rushed to sit on the bed and take Sam’s hand. “Oh god. Sam. How are you feeling?”

“Pissed. What happened to your line being not letting me turn into a monster?”

Dean pointed to Benny. “You see him as a monster?”

“Benny doesn’t eat people. Except me, I guess.” Benny flinched, but it was fair. “What if I couldn’t control the bloodlust?”

“Worst-case scenario, Benny would control it for you. Fledglings are depending on their leader for blood, right? Even with your hardheaded rebellious streak, pretty sure Benny could keep you leashed for two minutes. Cure was ready long before you woke up.”

“Benny?” Sam hit him with the puppy eyes.

Benny was helpless. “Never again, Sam, but since you walked out of the church… I figured you wanted to live. The cure works, we knew that because you’ve used it on Dean, and we weren’t gonna let you get loose and go feeding. I’m sorry, but thinking you wanted to live… I couldn’t let you down when there was a way to save you.”

Sam didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity with the puppy eyes staring at him. “Okay. I still don’t like that you did this, Dean especially, but it’s done, I’m alive, and I don’t think I’m entirely cured but I am better. Cas…” Sam looked around in confusion. “Where’s Cas?”

“We don’t know. Now that you’re okay, we’re gonna start looking, but we don’t know what happened to him or where he is.” Dean pulled Sam into a hug, and after a moment’s hesitation, Sam hugged back. “I’m gonna get some sleep.”

Sam stood up. He was still shaky, but clearly better than he’d been before the church. “I need some air. Come with me, Benny?” Benny followed Sam outside, where Sam settled on the hood of the Impala. “Is this going to be a problem for you now?”

“Not quite sure what you mean, Sam.” Benny leaned against the side of the car.

“You had to get off the wagon to turn me. I know how hard it is for you, living the not-a-monster life. Hell, I understand the bloodlust, even. I’ve had years to get used to it, but sometimes, smelling a demon’s blood still makes me incredibly thirsty. So with the recent feeding… and with it being my blood in particular… you okay to be around me?”

Benny turned around to where he could wrap Sam up in a giant bear hug. His nose went straight to the still-unhealed bite on Sam’s neck. “You smell really good, Sam. Not gonna lie. But I have too much to lose to let myself drink. You an’ me both, we got blood issues we’re gonna fight our whole lives. Don’t you worry about me. I know what happens if I let myself give in.” He went to pull back, but Sam turned his head and caught Benny’s lips with his. “What was that for?” Benny asked when the kiss broke.

“Because I wanted to, and I thought… I’m sorry. Did I misread? I really thought you were interested…” Sam’s eyes went wide and he scooted back on the Impala.

“No, you didn’t misread, I was just wanting to know if that was a one-time I know you meant well and I forgive you thing or something more. Don’t want to assume anything, I know you weren’t exactly feeling so hot before and you thought you were gonna die, but I didn’t see this before.”

“Oh.” Sam came back over, leaning up against Benny. “I wouldn’t let it happen, before, because I was planning on dying and it seemed cruel. But now that’s gone, and you’re an awesome guy, and every time you open your mouth your accent drives me crazy, so I thought I’d go for it.”

“Good call.” Benny wrapped his arms around Sam again.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcomed with great love!


End file.
